No matter how horny you are, you can appreciate a funny porn title. You might not be into rimjobs, but how can you resist checking out a title like She Plays a Mean Rusty Trombone? For our latest Writers Roundup, we bring you our picks for funniest porn titles:
Andi G
There are so many funny titles I come across, but here are just a few that really stick out to me.
Cock In My Mouth, Jizz On My Face is almost musical sounding. It’s something you could hum going down the street. Kind of like the Ice Cube song about today being a good day, you know you’re doing ok if you start your day with this little ditty.
I Wanna Butt Fuck Your Grandma 3 speaks for itself, but I also find it pretty amusing that there were so many people who wanted to butt fuck my grandma that there were three full movies made.
Asian Bad Boy
Fake Teeth For a Velvet Suck – I always appreciate the porn titles that can find the perfect balance between funny and gross –and luckily, Fake Teeth For a Velvet Suck fits that criteria. Old people are already gross and unattractive as it is. But the bar is set even higher when it’s toothless, old chicks! And honestly, who knew getting a “gummer” was similar to fucking a smooth piece of velvet?
Fuck It, The Damage Is Done – This is a really insensitive-sounding title — but incredibly funny and dark at the same time! I mean, you won’t have to worry about birth control, right? And besides, they say pregnant women are always horned-up, and if they’ve got a bun in the oven already, ya might as well just fuck it!
Authentic Lesbian
Burning Angel always manages to tickle my fancy with their movies and movie titles, so when I Banged My Tattooed Step-Sister In The Ass hit the scene, I couldn’t wait to yell that out in a public setting. I decided to do so on the train after a long day’s work, and while the looks I got were to die for (or actual attempts to kill me), you’d think someone would ask a question or two. Then again, Burning Angel managed to fit every necessary keyword into the title, getting straight to the point, so I guess my fellow commuters completely understood. Success!
Judy Hologram
The first thing that I thought of was Please Cum On My Face After We Fuck for its staggering contempt for creativity. It’s a title that describes probably 75% of all modern day straight (and even gay!) pornos, but most studios will at least attempt a pass at writing a clever or pun-y title to set them apart from the herd. Not the scholars at Sticky Studios! It’s a title that describes a carefully planned out yet completely pedestrian sexual encounter. The utterly bland title somehow brings this porno series (there’s five of these things!) around full circle to the point that you can’t help but be interested in seeing if it’s really as much of a sexual equivalent of generic store brand white bread as it seems.
BridgetXXXXXXX
Anal porn always seems to get the funniest titles. I love the stupidly silly ones like Alien Ass Party and Octosphincter. By naming their movie Octosphincter, the good people over at ChesterMolestHer are not only anatomically incorrect (humans only have two sphincters), but they’re simultaneously raising people’s hopes that Daizha Morgann would have eight assholes! She doesn’t, but it’s still a really funny title.
Dee Viant
The funniest porn titles to me are usually those that parody mainstream phrases. While there are quite a few to choose from, the following are my favorite titles that also have a quality movie to carry the hilarious name.
Cirque du Hole-A – The real Cirque du Soleil has some pretty sexy acrobatics, but Seymour Butts‘ Cirque du Hole-A is packed with an all star cast and A+ ass antics! If only there was a different Cirque du Hole-A to parody each du Soleil production…
World Class Wrecking Crew – This is the lesser-known parody of Miley Cyrus’ “Wrecking Ball” video. You probably know and get the reference to Molly’s Wrecking Ballz, but if you’re in your thirties and know your R&B slow jams, then you understand why World Class Wrecking Crew would make me literally laugh out loud. The early 80’s group World Class Wreckin’ Cru’s hit song “Turn Off the Light” was the inspiration for so many of my long abandoned romantic fantasies as a teen, and it makes my heart sing to see their name used as a title of a decent gangbang video.
Dippin’ Twats – I don’t need to explain why this is funny, do I? Win-win on the title and box cover parodying the popular fair food.
ScrewberX – Not only is ScrewberX is a laugh-worthy joke title, but the whole brilliant XXX movie lampoons the car share service. ScrewberX is one of my favorite parody titles, and it’s also one of my favorite movies so far of 2016. It’s not easy making people laugh while making them horny, but Dana Vespoli did both with this one. Also, if you give Chad Diamond a chance to be be funny, his comedic deliveries are worth the price of admission alone.
My Big Greek Pain In The Ass – Who says BDSM doesn’t have a sense of humor? It’s not all rigid rules all the time. Irene Boss is one of the most revered pro-Dommes working today, and she also has a fantastic sense of humor. My Big Greek Pain In The Ass is only an example of her creative naming. I could easily have made a list of just BossDVD titles I enjoy (how could I not love an electro play/CBT movie called The Irene Boss Stimulus Package?), but go through the list yourself and watch Irene Boss in action.
And finally, my absolute favorite series, no contest: Cockamole on Her Face-A-Dilla
Otter Holt
Diamond Princess… Really Princess…PRINCESS?! All I can think about is how good the show Million Dollar American Princesses hosted by Elizabeth McGovern is. The crap poor Consuelo Vanderbilt had to endure because her mom wanted her to get a title since birth was crazyyyy. Oh, this movie has a bunch of twinks in it and looks like an XXX rated catalogue of the back-to-school collection available at Target in 2002.
Uncontrollable Underwear Urges…or “I shit you not.” Don’t get me wrong, I love some sexy underwear, but with a title like I can’t help but thinking of having to run to the bathroom…To jerk off you, sick fucks.
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