Hey ghouls and girls. That time of year is coming up where you can get away with being someone or something you’re not and love every minute of it. I’m talking about All Hollow’s Eve, The Day of the Dead, All Saints Day, Samhain, or more commonly known as Halloween. As kids we loved putting holes in our mom’s best sheets and going door to door with our buddies in a friendly competition to see who gets the most candy on this celebratory night. Now that we’re grown-ups the rules have changed a bit. We now have to give out the candy and make sure the kiddies aren’t TP-ing or egging someone’s house, right? Well guess what, I say we can still play dress up, just in a sexy way and instead of chocolate bars, nutty buddies, and candy corn, it’s all about getting sexy and being sexed! Who’s with me?! In the world of porn parodies nothing and no one is safe… not even Harry Potter. So we’ve put together a top list of our favorite spin-offs of “the boy who lived” just for your viewing pleasure!
1. The Parodies Volume 4 – Hairy Punter And His Enormous Boner 
In my humble opinion this was the best rendition of the spoof to date. Danny D. is easily the best Harry out of them all. If asked why, I would simply respond “He’s perfect with his authentic English accent, the loveable bad boy attitude, the special effects, the humor… and did I mention he’s hung like a Centaur?!” This Hairy is in Dumbledore’s office getting reamed because not only was he caught using his invisibility cloak to sneak into the girls’ bathroom for a shagging, he’s turned a fellow classmate into a huge clear dildo. Why? Because Luke asked Harry to make him a girlfriend out of a ham & cheese sandwich. After seeing the sandwich transfigured into the uber-sexy Tarra White, he decides to get Luke out of the picture! However, Hairy doesn’t want to hear ANY of it, so before you can say Winguardium Leviosa – Hairy turns the poor headmaster into a massive purple dildo with a Ferrackus Orgasmicus spell! Needless to say, Hairy and Tara apparate to the common rooms where he gapes every hole she has with his Sword of Gryffindor and both dildos. After drilling her like a dementor and using both toys, he transfigures the headmaster and fellow student back to almost-normal with his fleshy wand, only to have Dumbledore want to perform a Forgeticus spell on himself because, naturally, they’re both covered in the gooey white stuff!
2. Skin Diamond’s Nerdgasm 
I know for a fact the Authentic Lesbian would certainly agree with me that Skin Diamond is SEXY, SEXY, SUPER SEXY, and sexy some more in anything that she does! Her spin off of the magical series is no different! When practicing an Accio spell that will finally get Harry in her clutches fails, a helpful Muggle offers to help her out. She doesn’t see how he can help out since he has no magical abilities, but boy was she wrong! Even though Harry the pizza guy (Jessy Jones) is a muggle, his meaty wand was the Alohomora charm that opened this horny sorceress’ legs. Jessy uses his beater to dig in Skin’s Chamber of Secrets sans the Felix Felicitis spell (aka luck potion). I mean, who needs extra help when you have a rod like that one?
3. Hairy Twatter 
Hairy Twatter is a production that will you excited just hearing the theme music alone… but the plot (as usual) is that much more exciting when a spell goes awry. You can tell the producers and directors of this feature tried to match their stars closely to the characters in the original production. Tyler Nixon is the precocious Hairy Twatter in this spin-off our favorite half muggle mage. Instead of going on fantastic adventures, the famous Gryffindor resident enacts a spell that gives EVERY girl at Hogwarts a hairy bush! Instead of helping to remedy the situation, these Hogwarts alumni get down and dirty in the halls of Hogwarts. Neville (played by Logan Pierce) reveals his long bottom to Sammy Grand while Draco (Michael Vegas) gives Luder (Tara Lynn Foxx) the business with his one-eyed Basilisk! Will Hairy get kicked out of the school once and for all, or will this year be all about the O.R.G.A.S.M.S. instead of the O.W.L.S.?!
4. Cosplay Geeks 2 
In scene four of this insanely creative production, Ramon Nomar plays the quirky Horny Potter to Draven Star’s gothic Slytherin-esque character. Instead of working on their transfiguration spells, Draven decides to work on his “magic stick.” Even though she doesn’t say it, she uses the Petrificus Totalis spell on his limp noodle to transfigure his member into a stout piece of wood in no time flat! Before you know it, the horny couple are rolling around on the couch in doggy, spoon, and side-saddle positions before she gets a special brew of ball-batter that’s thicker and creamier than anything you can buy in the Three Broomsticks, Hogs Head, or The Leaky Cauldron Inn. And Horny didn’t even have to spend any Galleons for her services! I think even Voldemort would be pleased with this performance.
