Lessons in Femdom: An Interview with Mistress Elena De Luca

Fetish model, film producer, actress, and educator, Elena De Luca has been a professional Dominatrix in the BDSM lifestyle for more than 10 years. She is on a constant journey to experience the art of BDSM, and although she is based in New York City, she travels the world over to seek out the best of those experiences. Severe Sex recently released a performer showcase of her, titled Elena De Luca: Brigadier General, Black Stiletto Army with Elena as the dictator overseeing a Black Stilleto Army who rule over a country of submissives who live to please her. We interviewed Mistress De Luca to learn more about her, the BDSM lifestyle, and what she sees for the future of the fetish lifestyle.

You are a Behavior Modification Domintrix, can you explain to us new to kink what that is, and why you enjoy that?

I prefer the term “Behavior Modification Specialist” to “Dominatrix” because I feel it better encompasses my specific style of domination. I use a variety of methods (slave training, corporal punishment, mind control, etc.) to change my subject’s behaviors so that they follow my desires rather than their own. A lot of domination is about this, but everyone has their own style.

You describe yourself as a sadist, could you explain what that entails for you?

I derive pleasure from the suffering of my subs and slaves. It’s a high knowing that they are willing to allow me to cause them physical pain and mental anguish for my entertainment. Generally, if I’m smiling, you are currently or about to be in a lot of pain, and are grateful for it.

What is your favorite punishment to dole out on a submissive and why?

I don’t have one specific favorite because everyone receives different stimulation differently. What makes its enjoyable for me is that you are suffering, submitting, and learning, by whatever means is most effective for you.

You’ve said before you went pro, you’ve never considered yourself kinky. What made you want to become a Dominatrix?

Before I became a pro-Domme, I never had much exposure to kink or BDSM. I knew of “the Dominatrix” archetype, but I didn’t know what she did. I was always very fascinated by people, especially women, who could hold power over others, especially men. I knew someone working as a pro-Domme, and when I needed a job I decided to look into this world finally that had been of interest to me for so long.

You also became an ordained minister. What was the impetus for that?

There wasn’t a lot of reason behind that one. I was watching The Simpsons, and Homer became ordained online. I wondered if that were actually possible so I Googled. Well, ten minutes later I was ordained. It’s actually worked out well because my friends now have me perform their weddings. It’s a real honor.

What do you think is the biggest misconception about the BDSM scene out there, and how are you combating these misconceptions as a kink educator?

The absence of consent is the biggest misconception about BDSM. I meet so many vanilla people who assume being dominant and/or sadistic means you just do and take whatever you want with no concern for others involved. As an educator, I make sure that consent is a topic covered in every class I teach, no matter the topic. I also spend a lot of time explaining consent and its necessity to anyone with whom I find myself in a conversation of about sexual proclivities.

The 50 Shades of Grey series has bought some aspects of kink into the mainstream, but many in the fetish community think this has been problematic. What is your opinion?

It is incredibly problematic. I think the entire series and the original material this fan fiction is based off of (*cough* Twilight *cough*) are complete trash and based entirely on a pile of consent violations. However, the fact that this garbage heap was so spectacularly bad has done us a favor. Had it only been mildly horrific we may have ignored it, but the depths it sinks to are so low that it forced the BDSM community to stand up and correct the ideas it espoused. WE have to thank 50 Shades of Grey for making us get out there and help the mainstream media and the average vanillas learn how to safely play in the kink world. We went out of our way after the first film to start teaching in more vanilla forums.

TL,DR: I hate it, but am grateful it made us get off our asses and teach more outside our own groups.

Have you see an increase in female clients because of it?

I personally have not seen an increase in my private clientele. I have seen an increase in “vanilla” women wanting their boyfriends to dominate them, and thus going to more kink events to learn about what they would like to teach their men to do to them.

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Do you ever decide a client isn’t right for you?

All the time. There are a million Mistresses out there; I would much rather a client see someone they have chemistry with than come to me and neither of us enjoy it. I see the plethora of other Mistresses in this industry as a blessing. It means that if we all only see the subs and slaves we mesh well with, we can recommend those who aren’t a fit for us to our friends. In the long run, everyone will enjoy this world and industry more that way.

What advice would you give a client on how to find the right Dominatrix for themselves?

Research. Research, research, research! Don’t just pick a Domme off an ad; visit her site, follow her social media, find her interviews, watch her videos, or call her phone lines (if she has them). Get to know the style of your Mistress before going into a session. See how she interacts with other subs and slaves and decide if this is how you want to be treated. It’s so easy to research us these days; take advantage of the tools the internet has given you. Don’t just pick someone based on a couple of photos.

When performing a humiliation/sissficiation roleplay scenario, how important is the costume for the submissive, and what do you prefer to use?

I actually don’t partake in sissification as humiliation. I don’t find the idea of being feminine to be humiliating. I will, however, humiliate you for being bad at taking on a female persona or for assuming just taking on a female persona is humiliating.

So the outfit is important to me because I like to use sissification to build up my subs. I want them to take on the enjoyable characteristics of femininity that they have been taught they can’t enjoy due to toxic masculinity in our society. I like to give them the freedom to wear pinks and ruffles and shiny accents. If the scene is about humiliation, I will degrade my sub for being slovenly and looking like a party girl who fell in a ditch one too many times. This look would include torn and ill-fitting clothes, beat-up shoes, a messy wig.

What’s your favorite spanking implement and why?

My bare hand. I am strong, it can sting like hell and I can easily go from slaps to scratches or fondling without warning. It really keeps my bottoms on their toes.

You’ve said you enjoy getting thank-you messages from your subs. Is there any sub etiquette before/after a session that more newcomers in the scene should be aware of?

I love thank-you notes! In session, there are a lot of chemicals running through your brain and you are not entirely able to process everything as it happens. Sending a note after when you have a moment to process and come down a little lets me know how you really felt about the experience. A thank you means so much more when your dick is no longer at the wheel; I know you really mean it.

Before seeing me, the most important thing is to let me know that you have chosen me for a specific reason. I never want to just be picked out of a lineup. I want to know you are seeing me because I am a unique person and you feel the unique experience we will have is the best for you. Tell me a movie of mine you like and why. Mention something about how something I shared on social media made you feel excited or safe. I’m not a cookie-cutter Domme, nor do I entertain “checklist” sessions. This is an exchange of ideas and energy, not a fetish delivery service.

Are there any kinks where you draw the line?

If approached from a place of understanding that this is a taboo and we are playing on the edge and that it is only fantasy roleplay, I am not likely to turn someone away because their kink is too “out there.” If someone wants me to talk about or roleplay through physical harm, I am fine, but I won’t actually do these things.

It’s a joke among my friends that I am “Mistress ‘A Serbian Film'” (if you don’t know A Serbian Film, look it up, if you have the stomach for it). I tend to do a lot of very violent and harmful roleplay scenes, especially on the phone, but I will never actually cause any kind of permanent or serious harm to my subs or any person or thing that haven’t consented. Not that I am not asked, often.

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What punishments would you like to dole out for people who don’t put a space in your last name and spell it “DeLuca?”

This fills me with rage. I hate that spelling. It’s De Luca: 2 words. I want them to die a slow and lonely death begging for my attention as I completely ignore and shun them from my world. These people are only second to those who spell my name “Alana,” when anywhere they would write this my name is properly spelled somewhere on the page.

You’ve taught several classes on fetish themes across the country. What class do you think people are most receptive to?

I feel that because I have been so well-known for my roleplay over the years that the classes I have taught so far, my roleplay class is always the one which people are most receptive to. This is the class I’m most often asked to teach and always has the best turnout. I like the class because it’s a great place to dip your toe into BDSM. It’s something a very wide range of people can enjoy. It can give you a starting point or help heavy players find a new way to add some creativity to their scenes.

What tips would you like to give to women who wish to Domme professionally?

Start at a house and then go independent. Starting at a house is a great way to fully immerse yourself in the scene so you have tons of opportunities to learn new things from Mistresses with a variety of styles. If you don’t love this job, get out or stay at the house as a side hustle. Don’t make this your career. As a career-Domme, there are a lot of obstacles from the civilian world, you have to love this to want to do this enough to put up with all of that stigma. If you want to make this a career, dedicate yourself to your craft and your business. You can’t half-ass this. That’s how people get hurt.

What is the biggest obstacle that keeps sex work from being viewed as legitimate by society at large?

Stigma. There is so much stigma attached to sex work that your allies are looked down upon for befriending or supporting us. People have actually moved away from me at the table when they find out what I do. The work can’t be seen as legitimate until we are viewed as people. Right now the work is not viewed as work because its not seen as being performed by people. Sex workers are viewed as dirty and “less than,” sub-human. Sex work can’t be discussed until sex workers are seen as humans.

My favorite thing to tell people who talk down about “those sex-worker types” is, “we walk among you,” and then watch them create as much space as possible between us, lest I get “whore” on them.

What do you have coming up in 2019?

This year I have a lot going on. I am currently planning my inaugural European and UK tours. I will be attending the German Fetish Ball in Berlin for the first time and then I will be heading to Paris, London, and Dublin. I’ll be traveling with my good friend Mistress Simone (Chicago-Mistress.com) and we intend to meet up with as many international Dominas as possible along the way. I am also making my return to DomCon LA this May. It’s been a few years, so I am very excited to be back.

I am going to be teaching a lot more this year, and on several new topics as well. Before heading to LA, I’ll be teaching a class on Humiliation for Purple Passion NYC on May 2nd. For details on my other classes and events I’ll be posting those as they are confirmed on my website, NYDominatrix.com.

I will be widely expanding the number of sites and methods with which you can view my videos and content this year. Including a brand new NYDominatrix.com and a members site coming later in the year. 2019 will be a big year for myself and Elena De Luca Productions, I hope everyone is excited as I am for all of my new projects.

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