It’s Twitter time again and we’re taking on your porno pet peeves headfirst. I have strong feeling this is gonna be a good one…
Messy/Dirty Fingernails
Diamond Foxxx and Dana Vespoli wasted no time with this one, and I completely get it. You can’t be trying to finger pop and rub all over somebody when you’re walking around looking like you play in soot for a living. You know who has good hand-hygiene? Juan El Caballo Loco banging Dana in Family Sinners’ Mothers & Sons, which she also directed. And I know Ashlyn Rae and Nikki Rhodes didn’t have dirty, dried-up hangnails while digging all in Diamond’s good stuff in Girlfriends Films‘ 3Somes – It’s A Girlfriend’s Thing.
Cum-Hiding
I won’t lie Frank, I’ve never seen this happen before either, but thinking about it got me way more upset than I would have thought. Sure, we all know how 99.9% of these flicks are ending, but the money shot is fucking crucial! Besides indicating the end (usually) of a scene, the cumshot finishes the fantasy, and nobody wants a fantasy where the hot chick they’ve just got done stroking and poking is running from the goo. There’s enough of that bullshit in real life! No, porn is for the enhancement of one’s imagination, and if you’re worried about or trying to protect your damn hair I promise that’s exactly where I’m going to aim! Luckily for people like us Frank, there are more than enough facial cum shots where nut is blasted all over the damn place and everybody is happy. My XXX Pass has a series called Faces Of Cum and Volume 7 is definitely the place to be. I like Cassie Del Isla‘s clip with Logan Pierce. Most importantly, when he cums and it gets in her hair, she doesn’t hide or flinch.
Hanging Endings
Lots of things can hang in porn: dicks, titties, guts, and even buttcheeks, but leaving your audience without a proper ending is a slap in the face. I feel like an assumption is being made that the viewer isn’t paying as much attention to the plot, and as paying customers that couldn’t be further from the truth. It can also come across like the writers and directors don’t give a shit, which makes me wonder why I should. There are lots of studios that do plot-based porn like Girlfriends Films and Pure Taboo, but my favorite at the moment is MissaX.com, and not just because of our recent For Your Own Good exclusive either. If you’re looking for a complete storyline that beautifully enhances the sex fantasy and doesn’t leave you hanging at the end, you must check out MissaX. Through New Eyes is a go-to of mine, featuring Katrina Jade and Zac Wilde, about a guy bumping into his best friend’s younger sister and ultimately giving in to temptation. The acting is great and the sex is fantastic!
Spitting
Spitting is love or hate and complicated as fuck. There’s cum-swapping, anal spit-swapping, and just flat out spitting on stuff. Personally I’m with you Porn Discounts; there’s no place in my life for spitting, however some people love that shit and bless them all for it! There really is something for everyone. If you’re a hardcore spit person, check out Freaky Freaky. When I first started working here I was tasked with re-encoding all the 4Reel Productions movies and I’d never seen a chick get naked and just spit on shit. I lived a sheltered life apparently…
Clothes In The Shower
Main-man Mark has a very solid point with this one. I don’t even really need the striptease in some flicks, so I’m all about getting rid of clothes, especially in gonzo movies. Wearing clothes, even just a t-shirt, in the shower does seem like an unnecessary thing to do though. I mean, just rub your naked tits against the glass shower door and I’m just as happy. Plus, we’ve all gotten stuck in a downpour at some time in our lives, and wet clothes are not what’s up, at all. Shower sex is super fun though, and SexArt recently released Wife Tales: Shower Fun that you should add to your watch list. It’s already one of their most-popular titles, and Jimena Lago and Nathaly Cherie look fine as hell licking all over each other in the third clip.
Dirty Feet
This shit is just triflin’ man. Hey Demi, you gotta hit my DMs and give me an example because I can’t even believe someone would show up on set with dirty dogs. Then again, they’re showing up with dirty fingernails soooo… For real though, if your feet are dirty and/or smelly, just keep your damn shoes on. I know we all can’t be Prince Yahshua rocking the classic Tims (they should pay him for that btw), but think about the rest of the room please. Now, while ya’ll are getting foot hygiene down, the rest of us will be browsing through XXX Foot And Shoe Fetish Movies looking for some clean, sexy feet to suck on, like Lilu Moon’s in Foot Art #14. Joss Lescaf couldn’t get enough of those little piggies!
Taboo
Yeah, the family stuff is getting a little played out. I want someone to make a movie called “This Is NOT My Stepsister I’m Fucking,” but the shit sells Don. When I’m a taboo type of mood, I like to search through Pure Taboo. They put a more-than-creepy-but-still-sexy spin on their titles that I usually don’t get tired of. If you’re completely over the step-family flicks though, check out some of our other character titles. Biker chicks, secretaries, and vampires are always promising in my opinion.
Poor Sound Quality
I can understand if some amateur content doesn’t have the greatest sound quality in the world, but when it happens with major productions it fucks the entire movie up. I’d argue that it has gotten better (search through our classics if you don’t believe me) but the advancements have been slow. In terms of great sound quality, one of the best in the game has to be Adam & Eve. Just from working with their files behind the scenes I can assure you they take their audio and audio tracks very seriously, which is much appreciated. The sound is always crisp and clear during playback and no track overpowers the others. Check out the last clip of Pillow Talk Fantasies, featuring Cody Steele and Elena Koshka, and listen to how balanced the music and Elena talking are. The music is bold, but it never overpowers her voice and the fade-out is on point.
Not Enough Dee Williams
You’re not going to get an argument out of me on this one Beth. Dee Williams should be in more of everything if you ask me, and I’ll gladly take her in more of a dominant role in lesbian scenes. I remember watching her in Mother-Daughter Exchange Club Part 53 with Milana May definitely left me wanting more.
Every Damn Thing, Dammit!
I read this one in my grumpy old man voice and loved every second of it! I feel like the best place for you to start is lesbian, and that’s based off the first three peeves. From there, we have to take out the ass eating, screaming, bullshit race themes, and we’re 95% there. I’m thinking AbbyWinters.com is a pretty good starting spot. The content is amateur, so you don’t get any over-the-top acting, and the sex is authentic. As for your involvement, Tee Reel can help with that!
Slapping
I’m cool with a little slap and tickle when the mood is right, however there are some scenes out there that go well beyond my threshold, and at times make me cringe. Interracial Icon 11 has a lot of ass-slapping done right in each clip. Not too much, but enough to turn to you as you watch it jiggle. As for face-slapping, that’s more love and hate, and definitely not for everybody. Maybe browsing through our Femdom category will make you feel a little better Mr. Cabernet. I like to think the Mistresses help keep the slapping universe slightly in-balance.
High Heels On The Bed
The danger here should be obvious, and your mother would be very upset with you! High heels are definitely sexy, and I don’t think heel on the bed would ruin a clip for me, but I see where you’re coming from Colin, and I certainly wouldn’t be upset if everyone just took their shoes off. One studio you never have to worry about that with is Kick Ass. Bare feet is more their style, and they’re really fucking good at it!
All-White Sets
This one made me LOL for real! There are times white sets look great Bret, but I have to admit they can be hard on the eyes and – believe it or not – distracting. Mike Adriano does a good job mixing color into his set, although his art, especially in the backyard, can be hilariously distracting at times. His POV shooting style also keeps things interesting. Kinky Anal MILFs 2 is a good new one to check out if you haven’t already.
You Missed!
I never thought of this one, and to be fair I don’t how hard it is for one to aim sperm, but we’ve all seen it and I can see how it could be annoying, especially if the movie is titled something like Cum On My Tattoo. Luckily, Burning Angel has that exact series, and the guys never miss! Yeah, the women are mostly covered in tats, but still, accuracy deserves praise.
Off-Screen Commentators
I feel this one in my core Cuz! I can’t stand hearing dumb-ass commentary in the background. It’s never appropriate and always a creepy mood kill! I equally hate random hands and fingers sliding onto the screen like straight dudes still trying to slide into my DMs (this shit really does still happen). Stay behind the scenes man, you’re weirding us all the hell out. There’s never even a warning for crying out loud! Now that I got that out, you know whose flicks you never have to worry about that happening with? Jacky St. James, a living legend! Everything about Jacky’s movies is on point, from casting, to script, to sex, and I never walk away disappointed. Right now I’m absolutely loving This Isn’t Cheating!
Faking It
Yup, I knew this one would show up, and rightfully so. I’m sure there are some models who have faked us right out of our shoes and we still don’t know to this day, but when it’s obvious, it fucks the entire experience up in the worst way. It can ruin your whole damn masturbation day! You know who isn’t faking it? Lena Anderson in New Sensations‘ Sexy Hotwife Stories 2. You can tell she’s enjoying every minute of Quintin James eating her pussy!
Lack of Quality Black Porn
As a black woman, this one really hits home for me, and I couldn’t agree more. Black performers aren’t featured enough in adult entertainment, and when they are it’s usually in some big-booty, thugged-out, or OMG-she’s-fucking-a-black-guy-themed shit, all of which have a rightful place in porn, but paint an incomplete picture of sex with black people and their role within the industry. In other cases, black men and women are fetishized and displayed on box covers and in promo images in ways that trigger unconscious bias and stereotypes that somehow turn people on. Previously we’ve written about iconic black porn stars and movies featuring all-black casts, but Polos is right, we need more quality. Elegant Angel‘s Black Squirt Volume Two is still pretty high up on my list (you can read my review here), and Desperate Black Wives: She Will Cheat, directed by Zander for Video Team, is another great one. Ana Foxxx, who opens the movie, is amazing as always, and Demi Sutra, who owns the hot clip along with Isiah Maxwell, is my new boo thang! Check it out and let us know what you think in the comments section below the title page.
Well, that was fun, and as usual you wonderful people never disappoint! That all for this month’s HotMovies Twitter Poll, but stay on the lookout for our next question and maybe your answer will end up in the next Spotlight post.
For more follow me on Twitter @authenticlezz1 and the whole gang @HotMovies!