Ten years of jizz. A decade of dicks. A career of coochies. No matter how you phrase it, it’s the end of an era for me and also for my fans. As of May 1st, I retired from shooting porn. I know, I know, I’m sad too. I didn’t publicize it, but for the past year and a half I’ve been studying and just passed a state licensing exam. I’m closing a door and jumping out of the window into a new adventure. The adult industry has awarded me so many opportunities. Because of porn, I was able to star in a huge blockbusting Hollywood horror comedy, I was introduced to performing stand-up comedy, I have my own sex toy molded from my anatomy, I received the opportunity to become a published author and explore the cerebral side of myself. Hell, I even assisted on performing autopsies thanks to porn (don’t worry, it’s not for the reason you think). I’ve learned a bunch of “life lessons” as well. Not everyone is truly your friend, never be afraid to say NO, I also learned the old adage, “It’s not personal, It’s business.” I wouldn’t trade the lessons, experience, and friendships I’ve made for anything in the world. I have zero regrets (except maybe I should have swallowed more semen). Closing such a big chapter in my life is exciting, but it’s also equally as scary. Shooting smut has been all I’ve known for 1/3 of my life. How am I able to walk away from a career that’s on the upswing again having entered the MILF category? It might seem foolish, but quitting while I am ahead is a smart move for me. It would be easy for me to stay in the biz and ride this wave of reinvigorated success, but then I’d probably never leave. So, where do I go from here? Where do I start? How will my prior occupation help (or hinder) my new one? I want to take some time and work this out. Stick around, it’s going to get interesting.
Sex work has always had a stigma attached to it, the ultimate “Scarlet Letter.” People often harshly judge things they have little-to-no knowledge of, especially related to sex. Archaic and puritanical views often cloud people’s rational comprehension. Luckily, society seems to have progressed a tad more when it comes to sexuality and sex work, but there is still so far to go. As a whole, our culture seems to be more accepting of a person choosing to express their sexuality on camera more and more, but it would be naive of me to think I won’t encounter some resistance in the work force. There will always be negative connotations, curiosity, and an air of mystery surrounding porn, at least for the time being. How do I overcome any ill-perceived stereotypes and preconceived notions falsely believed and ignorantly endorsed about porn stars, while simultaneously navigating the new waters of the mainstream work force? I want to be a success story. I want to succeed. I want to thrive. Porn is not the “end all-be all” of a person’s journey through life, and there should to be opportunities available to retired sex workers in fields they are qualified for without fear of judgement for their past career choices, right?
When a performer chooses to leave the industry, it’s treated one of two ways:
Rolled eyes: Far too often when performers “retire,” they are back in front of the camera in a year or two. This could be for a myriad of reasons, so retirement isn’t truly seen as a permanent decision among those in our business, or at least at first. There is always rumors swirling like, “oh, she must be pregnant,” or, “her significant other must want her to stop,” and even, “I guess no one is hiring her.”
Support: When a performer announces the closing of this door, most people are undoubtedly disappointed, but are overall happy for your choice. Fellow performers are often the first to congratulate you, fans are a little slower to do so. I can understand the hesitance to support such a decision; after all, you’re taking away a steady source of enjoyment from a person without them having a say in it.
So far, I have yet to encounter any really negative comments about my quietly announced and swiftly enacted retirement. Of course, there are a bunch of saddened fans, but I’ve been starkly supported and genuinely wished the best of luck on my new chapter. If I encounter any negativity about my recent career change, all that shows me is who was truly a friend and who was truly a fan (and who was not).
A big glaring concern and daunting task that I’m currently faced with is the all-important resume. What do I put down for the ten-year career gap? Mattress Actress? Butthole Model? Cunt Connoisseur? Do I even acknowledge my sex work at all and just gloss over it as “Actress/Model” catch-all? Let me be clear: I am in no way, shape, or form embarrassed, ashamed, nor regretful of my porn career. My question stems from a deeper query: is this information that other people deserve to and should know? Do I start with a clean slate? Do I even acknowledge Missy? Do I not bring it up unless someone else does, or I am recognized by someone who has seen my work? I do worry about not being “hirable” due to my penchant for nudity and the elasticity of my anus captured on camera. Hopefully, my skills and knowledge are at the forefront of the employers’ minds, not just my bra size. But hey, having giant tits can’t hurt either. My plate is full of “IFs” right now for the first time in a long time. Normally my plate is filled with cum, so this is definitely new territory for me.
After racking my brain, I realized I have acquired certain skill-sets by being in XXX that are quite numerous, and that I didn’t realize I had up until recently. To name a few:
- It’s really helped me grow as a public speaker (Thanks, award shows and interviews!)
- I’m comfortable with large crowds (Thanks, gangbangs!)
- I have excellent ad-lib and improvisational skills (Thanks, dirty talk!)
- Excellent oral skills (Thanks, deepthroating!)
- Comfortable in my own skin (Thanks, implants!)
- Multitasking skills (Thanks DPs!)
- Professional when meeting new people (Thanks, go-sees!)
- Punctuality (Thanks, early call times!)
Most of all, XXX has given me a confidence I never thought I would have. I grew up shy, sheltered, and was even homeschooled most of my education career. I wasn’t “experienced” with boys (or girls) before starting to shoot porn. I entered the industry as a timid 23 year-old and it took me years to embrace my sexuality and turn me into the confident woman I am today. I feel comfortable being myself. I acknowledge my flaws, embrace my strengths, and am working on being my “best self,” and I think these past ten years of maturing and soul-searching have given me a leg up (or two legs open, either way) to enter the workforce as a confident woman at 32 years of age. There is something empowering and freeing about having been naked for the entire world to see that trickles into who I’ve become now. Having something so personal and vulnerable on display is liberating in a way.
I don’t expect this to be an easy road, though. Not everyone is as welcoming, open-minded, and inclusive as the individuals are in the sex trade. Women might be intimated and judgmental of my sexuality, men might be shy around me because of my past, and people might just flat-out not like me because I’m comfortable with something they are not. Sadly, not everyone appreciates a gaping anus. All I can do is bring my knowledge, expertise, willingness to learn, and bubbly personality to my next venture. If all else fails, I’ll just write my resume on my cleavage I guess. I’m a cautious optimistic, you can say.
With all of this being said, I ultimately want to fully and passionately embrace my past without letting it define or cloud my future. I wouldn’t change anything about my career, except maybe having done more projects and getting the opportunity to work with so many more amazing individuals. Missy will always live on, forever cataloged on the internet. I’ve shot over 200 scenes to keep you satiated for years (or a few weeks, depending how often you jerk it).
I love you all. Thank you porn. Thank you fans. Thank you colleagues.
Wish me luck, kiddos!
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