Online dating is tough for everyone involved: men, women, enbies, couples, unicorns, kinksters, porn stars, and Trump supporters. As a species, we love to make excuses and blame others for why Tinder isn’t working for us, but there’s a good chance it’s your profile (not your height) that’s holding you back!
Even the most beat-up car can be sold with the right photos and description.
I’ve asked countless women who date men what their biggest gripes with dudes’ profiles were—usually while on the dates you failed to secure! Here are five of the biggest mistakes on your Tinder/Bumble/OkCupid/etc. bio you can fix before this weekend!
Your Tinder Pictures Can Be Better
In 2019, online dating starts (and usually ends) with your pictures. You don’t have to be a model to get a right swipe, but you do have to put some effort and thought into your first impression. One of the most annoying faux pas I hear about is posting the same selfie six times with different backgrounds. It makes you look like a one-note wonder with no personality—no matter how cute your Blue Steel look is.
Online dating consultant Steve Dean insists that each photo should serve its own purpose. “Your photos do far more than simply convince someone not to swipe left on you,” he shares. “They tell your story.”
“If each photo is worth 1,000 words, your 5 profile photos are basically a 5,000-word essay on your life,” Dean advises. My Tinder has a great headshot in natural sunlight, a full-body shot, a picture of me doing stand-up, a picture of me drinking whiskey, and a picture of me body painted (for some wackiness). If I had friends, I would add one group photo to the mix, but someone should have a good idea what you look like based on your photos.
Oh, and unless you actually love to fish, ditch the picture of you holding a bass from the one family fishing trip you do each year. It’s hack.
No Bio? No Way!
When you let your pictures do the talking, women don’t know if you lack personality or if you’re just plain lazy. Both of those qualities can be major turn-offs—even with your abs. I tend to swipe left on beautiful women with a blank bio because I don’t know what we could possibly have in common other than a mutual interest in orgasms. That great hair is only going to get you so far.
“Take that vulnerable step of sharing a piece of yourself so they can feel empowered to do the same,” says Dean. Don’t complain about women not making the first move if you don’t give them anything to work with! Something is better than nothing.
Bios are a great opportunity to show off that you know the difference between there, their, and they’re!
Don’t Apologize For Being You!
Some people treat their bio line as a drug commercial disclaimer, as if sleeping with you could cause mesothelioma. Now your penchant for tidiness reads like a warning about the world’s worst case of OCD!
Whether the disclosure is your STI status, sexual orientation, gender identity, or number of roommates, never roll the information out like a cancer diagnosis (even when it is a cancer diagnosis). Being polyamorous is not a reckless character flaw your next date needs to worry about. It’s an exciting piece of information about you that will be a cherished by compatible matches.
I don’t get shy or apologize for my nonmonogamous lifestyle. My bio is happy and proud about something that makes me a little different.
Quit Being So Negative
New Yorkers are stereotypically a bunch of negative skeptics who bond over mutually shared complaints, so this feels like a weird piece of advice for me to give. Having said that: be positive!. You are so much more attractive to be around when excited about something instead of being a Negative Nathan. Instead of putting down reality TV, share some of the shows you really like!
It’s more than fine to have dating dealbreakers (“Trump supporters swipe left”), but be careful to overload your bio with so many qualifiers that no one wants to bother with you. Many do this assuming it will ‘save everyone time,’ but not all of your dealbreakers are in fact dealbreakers. I thought armpit hair would be disqualifying until I met some pretty sexy, group-sex-loving people with hair under their arms. Include the most important one or two boundaries up top if you must, but focus on the positives instead of the negatives.
No One Likes A Hack
No one is looking for you to create a work of art, but don’t copy-and-paste lines from one of those Tinder bio websites. When you’re the 9th profile to have, “I heard you like bad boys. Lucky for you, I’m bad at everything,” she’s going to know that you’re a fraud. Being inauthentic doesn’t do you any favors when you finally meet up. Your bio should be authentic to you. If you’re trying too hard to be funny, don’t try to be funny. If you’re a total dork, preview your passion and Trekkie emoji!
It’s a slippery slope. First you’re stealing jokes for your Tinder bio, and next she’s calling you out at the restaurant for plagiarizing Jerry Seinfeld. Don’t be that guy.
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