The first presidential primaries are finally here just in time for HotMovies’ newest site feature: the Facial Recognition Search. Ever wondered which industry star you or your favorite celebrity might resemble? Or, have you ever wanted to cast your own porn parody, but needed some suggestions? Well, just in time for the Iowa Caucus, we’ve used our Facial Recognition Search to dream cast our own picks if the Democratic primaries were the next big porn spoof! The political climate has descended into the seventh circle of hell and we are all in need of a good lark, so let’s take a look at some of the doppelgangers that could play the 2020 Democratic presidential candidates, and let’s see if they have anything else in common besides their physical resemblance!
Joe Biden as John Holmes
Forget “Sleepy Joe,” Vice President Biden is the new Johnny Wadd! John Holmes was one of the first iconic male superstars in the industry: the performer with a massive cock that could easily dwarf fellow actors considered hung like a horse. Vice President Biden and John Holmes are both favorites from an older generation, and one could wonder where exactly the physical resemblance end. How big is Joe’s Campaign Finance Reform plan really? Bigger than a payphone, smaller than a Cadillac!
Elizabeth Warren as Deauxma
Like Professor Warren, Deauxma hit her stride and found her true calling for the people when she was more mature. Warren was formerly a Republican, and Deauxma worked in advertising before she broke out in the adult industry in her 40s working for lesbian studio Girlfriends Films. Warren broke out by establishing the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. Senator Warren is a presidential candidate who has the warmth and authenticity to fit right in with the most beloved models at Girlfriends, just as the lovely Deauxma did. If Senator Warren doesn’t make it out of the primaries, perhaps she should give Girlfriends Films a ring!
Bernie Sanders as Ed Powers
Bernie Sanders is the longest-serving independent in U.S. congressional history, and Ed Powers is an AVN Hall of Fame member who has been producing the iconic amateur Dirty Debutantes series since the late eighties. The resemblance may seem uncanny, but both Ed and Bernie are Brooklyn boys at heart. Ed Powers has made countless up-and-coming models into industry stars, and Bernie Sanders has turned a nascent political movement into a bonafide revolution. The similarities are easy to see!
Amy Klobuchar as Sharon Mitchell
Sharon Mitchell is an icon of the golden era of porn and Amy Klobuchar is a Senator from Minnesota who has been known to eat a salad with a comb. To be fair, there’s more to Senator Klobuchar than a bizarre choice of eating utensils, as she’s been one of the most productive Democratic senators in modern memory. Sharon Mitchell was known as a sweetheart and loved by all, and her extensive filmography and give-it-all physicality in her performances shows Sharon and Amy share the same work ethic. Both Amy and Sharon clearly knew how to improvise in their respective careers and the resemblance is amazing!
Pete Buttigieg as Peter North
Pete Buttigieg has made history by being the first openly gay presidential candidate in the Democratic primaries and Peter North made history with his legendary cumshots. Mayor Pete also just looks like the quintessential Midwestern porn star. Of course he resembles Peter North. Dollars to donuts we’d bet that a Pete Buttigieg cumshot would give the iconic Mr. North a run for his money!
Andrew Yang as Keni Styles
Andrew Yang is the candidate of big and bold ideas. Keni Styles is an adult performer and boxer who got his start in the industry after leaving the military and found some bold ideas of his own, such as being a spokesman and instructor for the secrets of lasting longer during sex for that perfect orgasm. Andrew looks like a candidate who knows how to edge! Perhaps he took a class or two with Mr. Styles!
Mike Bloomberg as Jack Wrangler
Jack Wrangler was the Lance Hart of the golden era of porn, the quintessential crossover star of his time, and billionaire Mike Bloomberg is the crossover political star of this generation. Jack starred in both gay and straight porn titles over the course of his long career and Mike Bloomberg went from Republican, to Independent, to Democrat, to who the fuck knows what he is now, but the resemblance to Jack Wrangler is too uncanny to be a coincidence. Mayor Bloomberg is a billionaire, so he has sucked a few cocks in his day… metaphorically speaking!
Tom Steyer as Randy West
Tom Steyer is the businessman candidate trying to take on climate change. Randy West is an iconic performer who was in the industry for decades, and got his foot in the door by appearing as the first male model shot with an erection in Playgirl magazine. Tom is a hedge-fund manager, liberal activist, and environmentalist. Don’t say that too fast or your brain may ache. Randy West wanted to be a rock star and a professional baseball player before becoming a star in the industry. Here’s hoping Tom Steyer shows an erection an Playgirl if he loses the Democratic party’s nomination for President.
BONUS: Donald Trump as Damian Dickey
Still waiting for the Donald Trump Sex Tape? Don’t worry piss lovers, it’s bound to turn up sooner or later, but in the meantime, let’s consider Damian Dickey as a shoe-in to play Donald Trump in his X-rated biography (which is redundant because you cannot have a biography of Donald Trump not X-rated!)
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