In The Picture of Dorian Gray, good, old, wild, and wise Oscar Wilde claims that “The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.” In teaching and attending the kink conventions I do across the U.S., I’d say plenty of people are taking the old reprobate up on his suggestion. Whether a couple is stepping into a makeshift hotel dungeon, a group of friends sets up at at-home play space, or a guy convinces his girl—or she convinces him—to route around HotMovies and take a peek at Shades Of Kink or something from the Kink Club series, one could easily argue that ‘non-vanilla’ sexual pursuits are on the rise.
But are they also rising in intensity? And if they are, why would they be?
I know with the classes I teach with my co-host/bestie and smut-writer M. Christian, we have been criticized for providing an hour-and-half of content that is simply too ‘light.’ Attendees at a kink convention come to classes as much to learn some naughty sex techniques they do not yet know as to enjoy a voyeuristic thrill watching a ‘demo bottom’ receive whatever it is the class is about (tit torture, or maybe a right-and-randy pegging). Chris and I, forever erring on the side of safety, do not tread all that heavily, and while amiable fellows—prompting lots of laughter and applause (and even occasionally a few bared breasts)—we have been called out lately for simply not laying down sufficient intensity. Curious about this criticism, at the last con we attended, we made it a point to walk through a Saturday night dungeon space—an unusual trek for Chris and me, as by 10pm we are usually in our jammies enjoying some Chex® Mix, Cokes, and lousy TV (yes, wild kinksters we are). During our sojourn around the naked folks, over ballroom carpets littered St. Andrews Crosses and spanking benches, we heard the loudest percussive hits we ever had, passed by the entrance to a draped medical room populated to its limits, and even witnessed a few scenes of punching play.
All of this marked a particular ‘upped ante’ from just a year before when we attended the same kinky get-together.
Says ‘Lil Ivy,’ a producer/star of Age Regression/ABDL/Diaper Fetish movie clips:
“My requests certainly have become more and more out of my comfort zone. It helps me to explore something I may not have shot before, but at the same time, I am noticing my niche becoming a mesh of age play and hardcore BDSM. My audience seems to really enjoy dark age-play stuff these days, although I’m not so much into the rough stuff.”
Certainly, niche porn movie content, the umbrella most kink stuff would fall under, has seen a rise in popularity for viewers as well as performers working well to exploit a niche. But one wonders, as much as in the naughty movies we stream, and that which we can get up to (or down under) in real life—is the current desire for more intense scenes akin to a gateway-drug experience (i.e., once in, one wants always to increase the intensity of the play)? Or might this seemingly growing need for ever-bigger/better/harder come from the fact that since we are presently able to have whatever we want with the swipe of a finger across our smartphone, we want ever-bigger/better/harder (more intense) experiences? And has this modern-day facility muted our sensibilities so much that only the genuinely edgy stuff will blip across our mind’s radar? Simply, have vagaries of modern life made it, so we need a more profound escape when we step out to play or come to view porn?
Although derided in many circles as nothing much more than ‘mommy porn,’ E.L. James’ Fifty Shades Of Grey brought kink into non-vanilla sex culture like nothing else before. Heretofore unspoken suburban fantasies were ‘outed,’ as men and women (though mostly hetero women) finally read (and watched when the movies became available) a power-play fantasy writ large. Given this ‘mainstreaming’ of what is typically regarded as taboo, the reigns were loosened (or tightened depending on the kink) for even the staidest couple’s stepping out. Although we’d all have to surely agree that our need for kink (both to do stuff and view stuff) has always bubbled, brewed, and at many times, been pursued, if not mastered, from those we least expect.
In the end, the question of kinks growing more intense doesn’t matter much if players play safe, and viewers stay realistic. As mentioned, safety is at the heart of the kink play I teach and should be first and foremost on any self-respecting player’s mind… as has been my experience from the players I have seen playing.
And taking a cue from arguably the greatest brooder in literature (a dude who could have certainly used a perusal through Buttman‘s XXX fetish movies to lift him from his doldrums) while there are indeed more things in heaven and earth than we could probably ever dream of in our naughty little noggins, in viewing fetish/kink/’edgy’ content we all need to realize what might be worth pursuing in real life, and that which is best for us only to enjoy as fantasy. A subjective call to be sure, but lots of kinks fall into the just-because-you-can-doesn’t-mean-you-should category, or a ‘careful what you wish for, you might just get it, (and get it hard!)’ caution.
A ping-pong paddle can really hurt when smacked high and hard off of a bare ass. And God knows, latex jodhpurs can grow very warm and sticky when worn for hours at a time.
Be you of an inquisitive mind—or maybe you’re the moderator of a Fetlife group that enjoys BBWs smoking cigars—what we need, we can easily get out there when looking for our kinks. And maybe, we might just get it, harder than we ever have imagined.
Ralph Greco, Jr. is a professional writer of blogs, reviews, interviews, fiction, poetry, songs, SEO copy, and one-acts plays for both mainstream and adult clients. His two regular ‘sexy’ columns: ‘Writing Dirty Words,’ and ‘The SEX FILES’ appear at sexpert.com and shortandsweetnyc.com, respectively. Ralph is also an ASCAP-licensed songwriter and recording artist and with fellow writer, M. Christian, teaches classes across the U.S. at kink conventions. Ralph and Chris also host a podcast called ‘Licking Non Vanilla.’
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