Curious about swinging or attending sex parties? Billy Procida—HotMovies guest writer, standup comedian, and host of The Manwhore Podcast—lays out his six tips for sex party attendees to have fun and behave with proper etiquette.
Just watch.
A very common suggestion for first-time sex party-goers is to just watch that first night. It’s a great tip because it’s the easiest way to participate at a sex party. Voyeurism totally counts! However, you don’t want to walk up to random people and start rubbing one out. Your shyness is not an excuse for creepiness. If you realize you’re going to do some self-love at a group-sex event, here are some tips and anecdotes to keep in mind.
Be mindful of personal space.
I was having sex with my date at a play party a few months ago next to a friend of ours. A fella we never met politely approached us and asked if he could watch. His timing was not great because we were super in the middle of things, but we said, “Sure.” As a side note, if you’re going to make a voyeuristic ask, you want it to be minimally imposing. So, attempt to do so in when it won’t kill their vibe. How do you know? Put yourself in their position and ask yourself if you’d be annoyed by your ask.
This guy got our consent, and we carried on. My date was on top, riding me as this complete stranger hovered over us masturbating. He was so up in our personal space that his leg kept incidentally touching my thigh. Incidental contact happens in group sex, but this guy didn’t need to be that close to us. I needed another six inches from him as he beat his meat next to us. If I had sat up straight, I would have been close enough to suck his dick. That’s too close for a stranger.
I know he thought he was being polite because he asked before jerking off next to us. You still should be mindful of personal space.
If you’re going to masturbate, don’t be weird about it.
All sex is beautiful. All sex is welcome. Masturbation is not to be shameful… but if you do it shamefully, organizers are going to look at you like, “Who invited Captain Jerk Off?” A few years ago, I remember being at a party where a fella in an Army surplus jacket fervently walked around with what I could only describe as “Viagra dick.” He seemed aggressively erect. Captain Jerk Off furiously tugged his member while roaming back and forth across the first floor. He wasn’t with someone. He wasn’t moving from one play space to another. He appeared to have no particular agenda, like an aimless zombie motivated by orgasms. This gentleman’s hand seemed superglued to his cock while his eyes darted around for the right imagery to send him over the edge. Is it against a specific rule? Not really. But it’s fucking weird and can kill a mood.
If you’re really feeling a vibe and are enjoying the sounds and scents and sights of the sex party, it’s less of an aberration to find a comfy spot to softly touch yourself. The limited play spaces available are ideally set up for people to have sex with one another. Masturbating is somewhat frowned upon, but if you’re not taking up a lot of space and not intruding on someone’s scene, I say go for it. When that mood has struck me, and I don’t see any friends fooling around to join, I see if I can find an empty or near-empty room with good music to lay back and feel my own body.
This isn’t porn; you don’t get to make requests.
That first guy who asked to watch me and my friends also attempted to make requests of our group. Not cool. We are not performers for your titillation. Once you have permission to watch, keep the commentary to yourself. Don’t ask for certain positions or sex acts to be performed. “Keep sucking her tits,” comes out better as, “The way you suck her tits is so hot.” Still, if you just met these people, don’t overdo it. You may be interrupting their good time.
Unless you are invited, do not ask to join in.
Seriously, don’t be the guy walking up to orgy piles asking if anyone wants to suck your dick. They probably don’t. And even if someone does, you’re going to bother a lot of people in search of this one improbable dick-magnet.
Mr. Too-Close-To-Me even asked the two women I was with if he could give them oral sex, too. Again, we didn’t know him. He’s just a guy who asked to watch. Don’t push your luck, and be happy that we are letting you be close to our scene. Remember: it is our scene, not yours.
Want to be everyone’s friend? Offer them water when they’re done!
When I attended my first large sex party, I was in my early 20s and nervous. I sometimes struggle in social situations and get scared to talk to new people. A dear friend of mine who was quite older and used to swing with her husband gave me an amazing suggestion: be the waterboy.
If you see a couple or a small group going hard at it and you want to make some new friends, approach them after they’re done—panting, laughing, sweating, and smiling—and say, “Wow! Y’all were so hot. Can I get you some water?” Some people will excitedly accept not having to get up from their comfy post-orgasmic bliss. Come back and introduce yourself. If they seem like they want to chat, awesome. If they seem content with the H2O, tell them you might see them around and fuck off. You’re not going to get laid right there, but you’ve just introduced yourself as a friendly, unimposing, well-intentioned partygoer.
Just don’t go do this to everyone all night, or they might think that getting water is your kink!
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