How Being in Porn Impacted Our Relationships

Some of the most extensively searched porn categories include “stepmother,” “stepsister,” and “hotwife.” But what happens when the camera turns off and the performers are actually someone’s stepmom, stepsister, or wife? Having spent four years in the industry, I’ve had the opportunity to meet many of these actresses from various backgrounds and with different experiences on how porn impacts their relationships. Is it possible to be happily married to a porn actress or accept your child as a performer? It is not a secret that porn is so socially stigmatized that forming “normal” bonds with others may present challenges.

Romantic relationships in normal life are challenging enough. Having sex on film with multiple partners for the world to enjoy adds a thick layer to those challenges. Personally, I have dated men who knew my profession upfront, along with a few I didn’t tell at first. In both circumstances, my suitors either became jealous or were too proud to be dating a porn star.

Sara St. Clair

Sydney Leathers, infamous for her political sex scandals, explains that it’s all about finding a balance. Leathers says,

“It’s ideal to have someone who is accepting and open-minded without being a creepy fanboy.”

Like any other relationship, fully accepting each other and maintaining trust is paramount. Busty, blonde MILF Linzee Ryder expressed that she has ended relationships both platonic as well as romantic because she was put in a position where she had to choose continuing the work she loves, or having that person’s acceptance and love. She states,

“On the bright side, I have learned to love myself rather than depending on others for love, which is really the most important lesson there is.”

The self-proclaimed “Greedy Slut,” Aria Khaide, got into the industry by shooting amateur content with her husband Chris Khaide, who fully endorses her career as an up-and-coming porn starlet. Chris started shooting their bedroom fun and posted it to various clip stores as a kinky couple. Their following eventually grew to her recognition as a real-life MILF and hotwife. Aria explains,

“Surprising to many, we have a monogamous relationship. We bring others into OUR relationship… and anyone we bring in is usually in the industry and ALWAYS tested. It has helped us explore our deep, dark, kinky sides even deeper, and it has also tested our boundaries and strength as a couple. One thing is for sure: we married each other for each other’s oral skills – oh, and because we love each other unconditionally!”

Aria Khaide

I have personally known the Khaides for quite a while and can attest that they have a beautiful relationship we all should strive for. To many, the idea of filming your wife blowing three guys might be cringeworthy, but these two have their rules and boundaries along with a visibly mutual respect for the other. Being a porn couple works for them.

On the contrary, I spoke to newcomer Riley Kay who hasn’t had such luck. She opened her response to how porn usually impacts her relationships in a negative manner. Lucky for us, she is back in the game after a brief hiatus due to a disapproving boyfriend. She had to leave the industry for ten months due to his controlling nature. Kay says,

“People end up getting jealous.”

Society would generally agree that having sex outside of a relationship is cheating. Lines become blurred when it’s your job, and there are several different takes on what is and isn’t cheating. The challenge is finding an accepting partner with an open mind, as Leathers mentioned.

Shared Tampa’s Fetish Queen Roxie Rae,

“I like to let my happiness and success speak for me.”

The fetish producer adored for her beautiful feet explained how being in the fetish realm hasn’t had much of an impact on her dating life.

“In relationships, I tend to go for men who are kinky or into certain fetishes which tend to lead toward my job enhancing our sexual experiences together.”

Roxie Rae

Mutual sexual interests and having similar kinks helps any relationship—monogamous or open. The first time I was married, someone gave me the advice that ‘sex is the glue that holds a marriage together,’ and I completely agree.

Open communication, along with sex, is essential to a solid relationship. This becomes exponentially important when dating a porn actress. As Khaide stated, boundaries and rules must be implemented to maintain trust and happiness within the relationship. Once I transitioned into sex work, I found myself opening up more about my likes and dislikes, what I find acceptable, and being able to vocalize my boundaries. When we show up on set to shoot, it’s our personal responsibility to articulate to the crew and our colleagues what’s on our ‘no list,’ (acts we aren’t willing to do). By practicing that, along with… well, having sex in front of a group of people filming it, I found myself becoming exceedingly more comfortable doing and saying whatever I want. Ten years ago, I would have been mortified to tell my boyfriend I wanted to be tied up and fisted. Today, that’s a casual Tuesday.

Sydney Leathers insists that porn taught her a lot about her own sexual desires and boundaries, while adding how grateful she is to have the experiences and adventures she had.

Miss Rae mentions,

“Porn has opened my mind and exposed me to a whole new world of people, it has not only sharpened my communication skills but also helped me become more patient and grow as a person.”

While Riley agrees,

“I feel as though I’ve become a lot more open-minded in various aspects and can have more free-range conversations than most people I know.”

Actresses might put a strain on a relationship by having multiple sexual partners, but one thing we do well (aside from in the bedroom) is communicate our desires.

In addition to dealing with romantic partners’ challenges, I was interested in the family dynamic of being a porn daughter. Families, like significant others, can be a hard topic, especially with such an ostracized profession. Porn introduced me to the family I’ve always wanted. I was never close with mine, so finding likeminded people gave me a sense of security and a family interaction I always craved. I’ve known many women who’ve been disowned for partaking in sex work, but this group of women gave me a change of heart. Love and acceptance are universal regardless of what you do for a living. Some parents have no issues with it, while others struggle but still love.

Aria Khaide, like me, was recently outed by an anonymous family friend to her father. She described her father as someone she idolized as the role model of a father, husband, prince charming, and best friend. He was unapproving and she shared she never got that ‘true papa-bear-squeezed, filled-with-love hug’ again. Khaide is married with three children and Ivy League educated, brought up by parents married for 35 years. She emphasizes,

“I didn’t come from a broken home. I hope this shines a light on all the ways it affected me and the ways it CAN affect others. The next time you see your favorite porn star posting about a subscription, think about becoming a monthly subscriber—even if just for a month. If they post a selfie, reply with love and positivity. We appreciate every single one of you and consider all our loyal fans to be an extension of our industry family and friends.”

Like Mrs. Khaide, Linzee Ryder also has had a strained relationship with some family members while she was still dancing at a club, even before porn. Says Ryder,

“There were a couple years where family members refused to speak to me. It’s still the elephant in the room when we do talk.”

Despite the fragile condition porn has had on her communication with family she continues because this is an industry she truly loves along with the lifestyle and freedom she enjoys. She happily adds,

“There is nothing else I can imagine myself doing.”

Linzee Ryder

Other ladies have had a much better experience dealing with career and familial approval. Leathers says,

“As far as family goes, I’m pretty lucky. I’ve had a couple family members have issues with it, but for the most part the people I was close with before accepted me and we’re still close. Not much has changed.”

Alongside Sydney, Roxie has had very little impact as a model and producer within her family and friends who support her. She adds,

“I think it took a little adjustment to the idea for my parents, but they have been very supportive throughout my career. I don’t see porn or fetish as a negative, I love what I do personally and am proud of my work ethic and what I have been able to achieve because of my career choice and being in the adult industry.”

These ladies, in addition to other top performers, have had the opportunity within porn to improve their lives and standards of living for themselves and their loved ones. Riley Kay explained her parents approve, but only because they see how advantageous this career path can provide. She says,

“My mom feels like she should judge, but it’s my life and sometimes you got to do what you got to do.”

We have learned through societal norms what we shouldn’t be okay with, but when we see someone we love doing something that makes them happy—even if we might think it’s wrong—I think we should all agree to love them unconditionally.

When I started writing this article I expected to hear about disapproval and finding new bonds through porn contacts, but I was pleased to learn otherwise. I mentioned to another parent about my surprising inquiries, they reminded me that as parents, we love our children no matter what, and just want to see them happy. A reoccurring theme kept being brought up: acceptance and unconditional love. Just because a loved one doesn’t love what you do, it won’t discount their love—again, something universal. In addition to our family and friends, our porn family and long-time fans are also included into our “family.” Being in such a critiqued industry, our relationships all—familial, romantic, and platonic—are hard, but love and acceptance are the secret ingredients to keep going. So, rest assured, you can still jerk off to your favorite stepmom or hotwife without guilt!

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