Coronavirus has us all locked up at home. If you’re one of the lucky ones, you’re isolating with a significant other—or a fuck buddy you hope not to get sick of. You both likely imagined an indefinite fuckfest… multiple times per day even! With that kind of refractory period, you may want to start recording your sessions and selling them to HotMovies! But at some point, that bed is going to get a little stale. How do you shake things up?
Typically, couples go for threesomes, sex parties, BDSM classes, or an OM workshop where everyone fingers a vagina in utter, awkward silence. However, a lot of these things are either difficult or irresponsible to do during the quarantine. A change in scenery is a tried and true method for spicing up your sex life! Below are some places at home you may not have tried yet—or may not have thought of!
The Shower
Despite what your repressed friend Trudy says, shower sex is real! Doing it in the shower is a great way to spice up the kind of sex life that has yet to fuck in the shower. Just know that it’s not going to be great, hot sex. The different location will merely trick you into thinking you just had great, hot sex!
This is the only place in your house you could have sex with the risk of full-body paralysis—and that’s what makes it so hot and exciting! You could slip and fall and sever an important vertebrate! But you know what? You and your significant other are convinced you need to shake up your sex life during this quarantine, and you don’t want to keep getting into fights about how you’ve gotten complacent. It’s time to take some risks!
The Basement
This one involves some preparation—unless gothic cobwebs and petrified cat feces are your thing. Basement sex invokes the vigors of youth! Once you move your childhood tricycle and your dead grandmother’s wardrobe that doesn’t match with anything, there’s plenty of room to put a mattress down!
Your mileage may vary with this one depending on how creepy your basement is, but it’s a fun place to mess around. You can roleplay like you’re sneaking a girlfriend over or practice some con-noncon with duct tape and dad’s old lawn chair. Lots to be done in this new sex spot that you always knew was there but never wanted to use. Even the scent of the space will remind you that you’re not in your potpourri-laden bedroom. And when you can’t change the boring sex, change the location!
Plus, you may even rediscover your old Pokemon collection with ancient porn magazines hidden in between pages.
Car Sex… in the Driveway
We’re remixing the classic you lost your virginity in: car sex, but at home! Bang in the back of your car with confidence for the first time without swiveling your head for oncoming cops. Relax and enjoy your blowjob, especially since blowjobs and fingerfucking may be the only sex acts comfortably performed in an automobile.
Ready to step it up and fumble with a condom, an erection, and cramped space? Although you are less likely to be arrested, it’s still car sex. Before you ask, there is no ‘best position’ for it; they’re all pretty bad. But if you can maintain an erection long enough to figure out how to get it in, you’ll giggle a lot and have fun until a nosey neighbor comes over to tap on the glass.
If you have a flatbed pickup truck, then you have all the positions at your disposal. Then all you need are some towels to lay down and a good lawyer to argue you should be allowed to do whatever you want on your property.
Under the Kitchen Sink
That ambiguous area underneath the kitchen sink is not just for storing used plastic bags from the deli. Your frustrated lover probably sent you an article suggesting a blindfold in bed: super kinky! But your only bandana is being used as a DIY mask for going to essential businesses. Whatever will you do?!
Sensory depravation does make sex super hot, and under-the-kitchen-sink sex combines a blindfolded experience with the naughty feeling of fucking somewhere new.
Open up that kitchen-sink cabinet and clear away the expired house cleaners. Lay a comfy pillow down and lie back. While your lover (or whoever you found off of Reddit to come over in a pandemic) makes sweet love to you, you can fantasize about finally fixing that leaky faucet! Squirt.
Staircase
Lay back on the stairs and let whichever genitals dip down from above into your eager mouth. Touch yourself while you orally service your lover from below. Maybe you pulled them in unexpectedly, which shows just how much you can’t wait to bone them (or how badly you don’t want to have sex in missionary in the bed again). Don’t bother finding a comfortable position for laying back—your roommate constantly having to get “just one more thing” will interrupt any sense of comfort or privacy you have. But you know what? It’s quarantine! We’re getting a lot more comfortable around each other ever since they insisted we have an open-door bathroom policy.
Behind the Bookshelf
This one pairs with a nice roleplay if you have a French maid or mover’s costume lying around. This is best done with someone bent over ‘looking for something,’ since that’s literally the only position that can be maneuvered in that wedge. This one may not be super sexy, but it’ll prove to your partner how hard you’re trying to come up with something new to do.
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