Even though it’s not something the BDSM community likes to bring up (at least not often enough), the fact remains that while kink play can be playful, tender, powerful, transformative, and even really, really, really hot—many activities can also be potentially dangerous.
Assuredly, certain kinds of play can be way riskier than others—I’m looking particularly at you, bondage—but even something as deceptively simple as getting spanked (like the great Spank Me! Spank Me! Spank Me!) still requires that everyone involved know what they are doing and what to do if things should go wrong.
Because of this, it’s never a bad idea to try to balance a love for the aforementioned really, really, really hot play with being equally really, really, really safety conscious.
A big part of this is to strive to be as informed as possible, and not just about what you happen to be into, kink-wise. Rather, work to keep yourself thoroughly educated about as many types of play as possible. It might sound like overkill, but you’d be surprised how often one kind of activity has to do with another.
How to stay educated about all this is up to you. The good news is that there are now all kinds of ways to do it, including studying (ahem) masterfully written articles such as this one, logging onto online classes, or arguably better than any of these, taking an in-person class or attending a kink-focused presentation. Even videos here, like BDSM Party Guests, can also be informative though perhaps not as good as a safety-focused class.
No matter where you learn, though, a pretty constant between them is going to be how, being fully aware of the risks involved with what you’re doing, you might prepare for something going wrong. And a huge part of that is knowing what essential items to always have at hand, in your playbag or anywhere else. So, in that spirit, here are our own suggestions for at least three of these, and why they should always be at hand before you get into any kind of BDSM play.
Cutting Your Way Out
Of all the things that kinksters like to do, the one activity that carries the most physical risk is bondage. Sure, electrical and needle play, along with cutting, can’t ever be ignored, safety-wise, but they are still not as potentially dangerous as tying someone up or putting them into some form of restraint.
It’s worth mentioning that there is one kind of play that’s far more dangerous, but as breath play should never—and I do mean absolutely, positively, never—be engaged in. I’m not going to go into it… aside from repeating as loud as possible: don’t ever do it!
That out of the way, a major precept of bondage safety is never to put someone into something you can’t get them immediately out of. And by immediately, I mean immediately, because when someone is in crisis seconds count.
As for why they do… well, while knowing what might happen to a person restrained when the bondage scene goes bad is essential, it’s much moreso that whoever is doing the restraining acts quickly. This means no hemming or hawing, no pouting that their precious bondage scene might be ruined, no hesitation (at all). In short, at the first sign of trouble, get them out of whatever you put them in, even elaborate bondage like those seen in Shibari – Bondage Ueber Berlin.
But how, pray tell, do you do that? Well, by using the first of our three tools: a pair of safety or emergency shears. Also frequently called EMS scissors, they are designed to cut someone out of their clothing without possibly puncturing their skin, which makes them the practically perfect way to get someone quickly out of a bondage scene.
No matter what is being used, aside from heavy-duty chain or the like (and, frankly, no one but a very experienced Dominant should ever be using anything like that), a good pair of these shears will make quick work of it.
While they come in an array of sizes, I recommend getting several pairs of the strongest ones you can find. This way, you’ll have something ready that can cut just about everything, and more than one because that way you won’t ever not have one right at hand.
These shears are so great, in fact, that it’s not an uncommon sight to see them hanging around the necks of bondage experts when they’re practicing their craft. But should you have them even when you aren’t doing bondage? Again, you’d be surprised how often safety concerns in one area of kink play spill over into another: like how even during, say, a flogging session clothes have to be cut clothing away in a hurry. So no matter what you like to do, or be on the receiving end of, get a pair of these are keep them at the ready.
Calling For Help
This next one often surprises people, which doesn’t take away that it’s a must-have for safe BDSM activities. Here’s the thing: all the training in the world can’t ever prepare you for every contingency, even more so when it comes to playing with whips, chains, or anything else kinky. And even if you’ve read hundreds of articles, attended dozens of classes, and learned from this or that expert, unless you’re an Emergency Medical Technician or a trained physician, there’s nothing you should be doing.
Actually, you actually should do what an Emergency Medical Technician or a trained physician would… when faced with something they aren’t equipped to handle: call for help! That’s why our next essential safety (and no, we’re not talking about Safety Maid) tool is a phone: smart or not. It should never be out of reach. Even better, before the scene even begins, work out a good communication system for those rare (but still possible) worst-case scenarios.
Example: ever read, or see the movie adaption of Gerald’s Game? It’s not the best of Stephen King’s works, but it offers the ultimate BDSM nightmare: a couple having some bondage fun when the husband suddenly has a heart-attack and dies, leaving the wife bound with no way to call for help. This could have been easily avoided if they’d contracted a friend beforehand, asking them to stop by or call for help if either the husband or the wife didn’t check in within a certain amount of time.
So always keep your phone at the ready, and even better use it or your preferred way to communicate with others to set up a BDSM safety net with others. Most of the time it may not be needed, but not having it in place and at the ready might mean never having a good BDSM time, or anything else, ever again.
And Last But Not Least…
So now we come to our final essential safety item for kink play, and, to be honest, it might at first seem like it’s going to be a cop-out. It’s that number-three on our list isn’t a tool… a physical one, at any rate. Instead, I guess you could call it a “mental” one.
You see, no matter if you have a dozen pairs of emergency shears hanging around your neck or 911 on speed-dial, they and everything else is worthless if you don’t use them.
Our last safety tool is exactly that: to, without fail, never hesitate to call for help!
Because it frequently integrates things like domination and submission into play, BDSM can sometimes hit communication stumbling blocks: tops, for instance, not wanting to appear not-toppy while bottoms might be too involved in being bottomy to speak up. But those stumbling blocks can be dangerous when they keep those involved from responding to an emergency or being vocal about being in distress.
Avoiding this might take some work, but just like having those emergency shears and a phone, no one should ever enter a BDSM scene until they firmly establish within themselves that unwavering willingness to act or speak up should something go wrong.
If embarrassment is a factor, maybe around using that phone to call for paramedics, then remember that there is nothing wrong with admitting that something didn’t go as planned. No one is ever perfect, and seasoned BDSM community members will be, or should be, the first to admit that.
Like everything in life, kink play is a process: with highs and lows, good times, and… unfortunately, not-so-good times. No one will think you less of a top or a bottom if you had to call for help, though some might justifiably do so if you should have acted and didn’t.
Back to embarrassment for a moment: worrying that you might be judged by EMTs or emergency room physicians for what you were doing, or that somehow word will get out about your kink play should never impede you calling 911. Not only are they trained professionals who have seen everything, but a little embarrassment is an extremely small price to pay to save you or your BDSM playmate from critical injury.
So no matter how you feel, at the first sign of trouble, pick up that phone and call! Safety above all else!
If this all sounds overly cautious, even to the point where it may feel like I just dumped a bucket of ice water over your hot kink fantasies, then I have just one thing to say: suck it up, buttercup! Far too many kinds of physical BDSM play—and we haven’t even touched on the potential emotional risks—can cause irreparable harm and, in a few cases, can even be life-threatening. That’s being realistic, not alarming. What is alarming is anyone thinking that through arrogance or just delusional thinking it can’t happen to them. Well, guess what: not only can it happen but not understanding, accepting, and preparing as much as possible for those contingencies will most certainly result in someone getting seriously hurt.
BDSM play can, and often does, lead to momentous moments of personal, sexual discovery… or just be a great way to get your various rocks off. But no matter if you’re doing something as light as playing with clothespins or as heavy as bullwhipping, there’s always a risk that something might go wrong.
It might be a small wrong—or heaven forbid, a big wrong—but no matter the size, everyone engaging in play has the responsibility to educate themselves about them, take as many safety precautions as they can to avoid or deal with them, and—more than anything—be absolutely resolute to immediately call out when any of them appear.
Let’s put it another way: safety may not be sexy, but neither is getting seriously hurt… and not in a good, BDSM, way!
M. Christian is a highly regarded author (if he does say so himself) of kinky books and stories, informative non-fiction articles on sex and futurism, and—when he’s not writing—teaches BDSM classes with his pal, R. Greco Jr. Check him out at mchristian.com and be sure to tune the podcast he also does with Ralph: ‘Licking Non Vanilla.’
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