Life As a Non-Binary Sex Worker

An enby (non-binary) person is anyone who identifies outside of the gender spectrum of male or female. Non-binary is an umbrella term for a wide variety of people; non-binary people can identify with being male and female, neither, or somewhere in-between! Non-binary people can be transmasculine or transfeminine, meaning they identify with masculine or female genders, but don’t necessarily identify as a man or woman. This is different from transgender men and women who truly identify as the opposite sex than they were originally born with. Enbies can also be genderqueer (fluid between genders), agender (having no gender), or bigender (identifying with both female and male, sometimes at the same time). You can find a comprehensive list of terms and pronouns here.

Enbies will go by a variety of pronouns such as: he, she, they, ze, xe, cos, hy. These are just a few examples of terms that fit under the vast array of what it means to be non-binary.

I personally identify as genderfluid; I identify with the masculine and feminine energies that reside inside me. I love to be called he or she. Most days I feel like I’m an ethereal blob inside of a beautiful femme body. I am grateful for the body I was given (it’s proven to be very financially useful), and I don’t feel dysmorphic as a result. I love using the feminine aspect of my body to lure people into my brand. However, as a result, I don’t get the opportunity to show off my masculine side as much. I do personally have days where I feel more masculine than feminine, and vice-versa. For me this doesn’t show up in the way that I dress (it would be very expensive to have a full wardrobe of both masculine and feminine clothing). It’s all about feeling for me.

My epiphany that I was non-binary occured to me around the ages of 18-20. It became prominent when I learned of the term non-binary. I truly believe masculine and feminine energies reside in all of us, and so—as a person who subscribes to gender being a concept—it made sense to fall into the genderqueer category. I am a fluid human that identifies as a non-binary pansexual hedonistic switch. I cannot be expected to make a decision on which gender I am! I want to experience it all!

Lola Fae & Lucky Fae in Skater Boi from Adult Time
Lola Fae and partner Lucky Fae in Skater Boi from Adult Time

As a result of my fluidity, I have had partners that are very understanding and accepting of being non-binary. I have also had partners who don’t get it and can be a little patronizing. As a femme-presenting non-binary person, I get all sorts of inquiries from people! Primarily I get hit on by cis-gender men. Most of them don’t really fully grasp what it means for me to be non-binary and are dismissive of it. I feel misunderstood when this happens. My current partner is very understanding of me being non-binary, but he is also the first cis-gender male that I have dated that has also had intimacy with transwomen. He has a better understanding of sexuality and gender-fluidity than most cis-gender men I meet, and I hope that more men can take the time to be compassionate and considerate of people outside of the normal male/female gender binary.

Sexually, I am one of the most hedonistic partners you could find. I love it all. As aforementioned, I am a pansexual sadomasochistic switch. I like all genders, I love a variety of play, I am a strong dominant and a sweet and slutty submissive. This goes hand-in-hand with my jobs. By day I’m an adult film star and content creator, and by night I am a professional Dominatrix. I am one of the few adult stars that very openly claims being a switch, even though many of us are. In my domination I have had a few clients that fully understood me as a sexual being and used honorifics such as “Sir,” “Lord,” “God,” and “Daddy.” In porn I have made a really fun scene for Adult Time called Skater Boi in which I am non-binary and get to be played with like a boy! I really love when I get to be fully seen in my job. It doesn’t happen often, as I am primarily femme-presenting (it’s profitable and I don’t have fancy “mens” clothing), but when it does, I am so damn excited. It gets my blood flowing in a way nothing else does. To be seen fully in sex and in work is so rare! Sexual expression in its most authentic form is an experience I am grateful to have: both in work and dating.

Lola Fae & Lucky Fae in Skater Boi from Adult Time
Lola Fae & Lucky Fae in Skater Boi from Adult Time
Lola Fae and partner Lucky Fae in Skater Boi from Adult Time

Dating as a non-binary person can be daunting and rewarding. Dating is something that makes everyone universally nervous, but as an enby you have the task of identifying yourself in a way most people may not understand. However, this makes it that much sweeter when we find people that fully accept and acknowledge who we are! There are certainly people ready to love us in the world.

If you are interested in dating or befriending non-binary people, here are a few words of advice:

  • Ask your partner or friend their preferred pronouns; don’t just assume they go by “they.”
  • Inquire about their preferred name. Call them by their chosen name!
  • Get to know them; ask questions as respectfully as you can. Don’t overwhelm them with 20 questions, but have a kind-hearted conversation!
  • Understand that non-binary people go through challenges you may not understand (ie: choosing a restroom to use, being open about their full identity, dysmorphia, etc.) Be supportive of these challenges and be compassionate to their struggles. Encourage them to do what is true to them, while keeping an eye out to keep them safe.
  • Keeping your non-binary friends or partner safe from judgemental people is super important!
  • Advocate for their rights. Talk about non-binary people with your friends and family.
  • Apologize when hurtful things are said. If you misgender someone just be sure to say
    “I’m sorry!” Don’t be afraid to be corrected—we all start learning somewhere!
  • Hold space for your non-binary peers. Listen to their stories and be there for them.

Thank you for taking the time to read this article. No matter how you identify, being an ally for those who are misunderstood/under-represented is so vital to the education of our peers and safety of queer people! Your friends need you to be there for them and to help spread positive knowledge. I appreciate and welcome questions. Have a lovely day you sexy human bean!

Watch Lola Fae on HotMovies!

Lola Fae is a non-binary adult performer, Dominatrix, and aerial artist. She is passionate about animal and sex worker rights. A certified yogi and reiki practitioner, she gets joy in finding mindfulness in everyday actions, as well as helping others be authentic to their true nature. Her favorite scene on HotMovies can be found here. Follow her on Twitter, Instagram, and producers can book her for film and photography directly at:

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