Who knows what makes our libidos fire the way they do? Learned behavior from childhood stimuli through our earliest attempts at getting laid leads us to find that which works for us, that which doesn’t, and that which we will fantasize about to the very end of our days. And in all that sweet gooeyness of what we experience, desire, and in some cases might only ever try once—there are lots of people who love to be sexually humiliated.
Sexual humiliation play can as much be part of a full BDSM ‘scene’ or foreplay for a couple. It could be a power-play dynamic that doesn’t involve any intimate contact, just a mental game played between two people, or it can be that which induces the greatest sexual pleasure for people, leading to bed-rocking orgasms every time. And as sexual humiliation can manifest itself in so many different ways, subs and Doms can have fun with feminization, public stripping and whippings, watersports, and cuckolding.
Participants are only limited by their needs and imaginations.
Those critics of any sex that isn’t monogamous, missionary humping usually point to BDSM—especially sexual humiliation—as anathema to healthy sexual expression. Why would one person want to endure being made a public spectacle, or to be ordered to eat out of a dog bowl? The answers to these questions are many.
Again, like snowflakes, nobody shares the same need for the things that they seek.
First and foremost, people playing this way with a partner they trust set limits for their explorations for a specific time and place. Holding such confines and even some rules around humiliation, the brain realizes better that it’s only play being enacted. Participants are safe to explore the edge of being taken down, but not suffering real degradation.
Secondly, plenty of people live lives of supremely ordered control. The stresses on maintaining a high level of competency, where one is an employer, responsible for the paychecks of countless others, or just keeping a family healthy, happy, and supplied, could take its toll on anyone’s psyche. Letting someone else take control by submitting to a scolding or being put through some kinky paces is often quite cathartic for that person who is always in control.
Still, for others, humiliation play might highlight some aspect of their personality or physicality that they might be consistently repressing. A cisgendered, hetero guy forced into garters, stockings, and bra, like in the movie, Transformed & Fucked, lets that man explore his sissification fantasy without guilt, ‘forced’ as he is into the humiliation of dressing like a lady and being pegged.
Like any kink or sex we engage in, participants in sexual humiliation play need first be consenting. Safe words need to be set to stop the action anytime the humiliated/sub wants it stopped (for any reason). And because humiliation often has a mental component involved, even from the lightest scenario of a teacher taking a student across their knee for a quick spanking, this kind of playing can elicit profound responses. The aftercare of a sexual humiliation session often takes longer and requires more attention.
Sexual humiliation isn’t for everyone, but for those who want to traipse across an edgier kind of kink play, lots of healthy, sex-positive fun can be had if partners stay aware, safe, and loving while giving forth a good dose of humiliation.
Ralph Greco, Jr. is a professional writer of blogs, reviews, interviews, fiction, poetry, songs, SEO copy, and one-acts plays for both mainstream and adult clients. His two regular ‘sexy’ columns: ‘Writing Dirty Words,’ and ‘The SEX FILES’ appear at sexpert.com and shortandsweetnyc.com, respectively. Ralph is also an ASCAP-licensed songwriter and recording artist and with fellow writer, M. Christian, teaches classes across the U.S. at kink conventions. Ralph and Chris also host a podcast called ‘Licking Non Vanilla.’
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