I have been watching porn for a lot longer than I have been performing in it. As a young woman still figuring out my sexuality, watching porn helped me understand what I was attracted to and what I wanted to do in bed before I had those experiences in real life. For many years in my late teens and early 20s I was in the closet, only dating and having sex with men. My closest friends knew that I was attracted to women, but I presented as straight in all other situations. I felt pressure from my peers, older people I looked up to, and society to only express attraction to men—and I really tried to conform to that. I had both long-term relationships and short flings with men, but I always felt more attracted to women, and dating men didn’t change that. I found myself fantasizing even more about being with women. That of course led to me watching lesbian porn.
I tried watching straight porn before, but it wasn’t as satisfying as I thought it should be. I later realized I was mostly focusing on the women in the scenes. I wasn’t thinking about being with the man, I was just looking at how hot the woman was and thinking about fucking her. As I slowly started to accept my sexuality, I started watching more girl-on-girl porn. I was way more interested in lesbian porn than the straight porn I’d watched in the past. I began to realize there was a whole other world of porn (and of sex!) that could be more enjoyable for me than anything I had tried before.
I started watching lesbian porn exclusively for about a year before I officially came out. I really began to understand the type of women I am attracted to—generally I prefer feminine, curvy, dominant women. I also found out which types of sex acts and kinks I wanted to try. I’ve always been really into lesbian domination and strap-on porn, even in my early days of exploring. I also enjoyed pussy-eating and fingering scenes, and was less into anal or toys besides strap-ons. Although real-life experience is always best, knowing what I wanted to try before I ever had sex with a woman helped me to feel more comfortable once I finally did try it. I was still really nervous the first time I had lesbian sex, but I didn’t feel lost.
I didn’t officially come out until after I had been having sex with women for a few months. It was a serious relationship that caused me to come out, and it was a monumental step for me. My life has been much happier since I have been openly dating women and identifying as lesbian or queer. I truly accepted myself and I began to understand that my desire to be with women wasn’t something to be ashamed of. My first serious adult relationship with a woman changed the way I viewed my sexuality completely. For the first time I was able to openly communicate about my needs and desires. My ex-partner and I even talked about the type of porn we watched, and eventually started buying and watching porn together.
Before I started dating women, I thought that porn was just for men and that women didn’t really watch or enjoy it. This was echoed in the media, online, and by my friends. I knew plenty of men, gay and straight, who would talk openly about watching porn. But my friends, who were mostly straight women at the time, didn’t seem to enjoy it. I heard a lot of negative jokes about porn and about the women who performed in it. Even after I came out and started associating with more open-minded queer people, I often heard negative comments about porn. They said lesbian porn was too “fake,” and porn in general was supposedly degrading to women.
My experience with both watching and performing in porn was completely different. I found it to be a positive introduction into lesbian sex as a viewer, and as a performer I have had the amazing opportunity to explore some of my fantasies on camera. Becoming a porn performer also made me realize the importance of paying for porn. I started only watching porn that I had purchased and verified accounts on tube sites. I learned that the quality and variety of porn available is much better when you pay for it. All the complaints I’d heard about porn weren’t relevant, as I was watching porn made by real queer women. I was inspired to make the kind of porn I enjoyed watching and wanted to see more of!
Performing in porn has been such an affirming experience for me. I have had the opportunity to work with some performers who I really admire. I have had amazing sex with some really hot women! That in itself is a win. My younger self who was terrified to express my attraction to women feels so empowered every time I shoot a girl-girl scene. The fantasies that I previously thought would always be relegated to my imagination get to happen in real life. Plus, I get to share them with the world! I was a solo-only cam and clip performer for years before I started doing hardcore girl-girl porn, and my overall happiness with the job has increased a lot since I began working with other models. Meeting new people, being on camera, and kissing hot girls is basically my dream job. Getting to shoot girl-on-girl porn is definitely the best part of the work.
I think that watching porn can be a very positive experience for many people, as it is for me. More people than you may think enjoy watching porn on a regular basis. They just might not be willing to share that information with their friends and partners. If you do happen to have a partner, I think that talking about your porn-viewing habits and preferences together can be helpful. While I understand this won’t work for every relationship, having an open and honest conversation about porn with your significant other could lead to greater sexual connection.
If your partner is open to talking about porn, I recommend starting a conversation about what types of porn you enjoy. You can talk about genres, sex acts, and roleplay/BDSM. For example, you might say that you like watching lesbian porn (genre), anal (sex act), and female domination (roleplay/BDSM). Give your partner space to react to your interests and tell you their own. Go into the conversation understanding that some of your preferences may be incompatible, and it’s unlikely that your partner will be willing to do everything you like seeing in porn. As long as you remain open to each other’s point of view and respectful of one another’s boundaries, talking about porn could improve your sex life.
Yes, porn and a healthy sex life can go hand-in-hand! There is a misconception that people who watch porn don’t have active sex lives, or that viewing porn is only meant to be done alone. I think more couples would benefit from talking about porn together and incorporating it into their sex lives. After you have talked about which types of porn you both enjoy, you can decide if you two actually want to try any of those things in real life. If you do, you can watch porn in the categories you’re both interested in together. Watching porn together can be a great experience for couples. You don’t even have to be “in the mood” or ready to have sex when you watch porn together—it can be purely educational! Maybe you want to try something new, but you’re not exactly sure how to do it. Watching a video of the sex act or kink play together could help you get ideas for what to try the next time you’re both horny.
Of course, watching porn with your significant other can also be amazing foreplay. Get cozy with your loved one and watch a video on your laptop or phone. You can start touching yourselves or each other as you get more turned on. In my opinion, mutual masturbation is underrated! It can be so hot to see your partner reacting to the porn they’re watching and touching themselves. From there, you can move on to touching each other and even having sex. Whether you turn off the porn when things get hot and heavy or leave it on, it can be a real mood enhancer.
I want people to engage with porn in positive ways and have a more positive view of porn overall. It isn’t something you need to feel ashamed for enjoying. A lot of people of all genders and sexualities watch porn, and there are healthy ways to enjoy porn while in a relationship or single. And, as I hope you have learned from my experience, porn can even help people understand their own sexuality and desires and improve their sex lives. No matter your situation, I hope that consuming porn can become a healthy part of your overall sexual expression.
Luna Sapphire is an adult model who specializes in lesbian, queer, and solo porn with a focus on BDSM and fetish. She has been performing in solo porn since 2015 and hardcore porn since 2018. Luna has appeared in such titles as Adult Time’s Model Time Volume 5 and TransGlamour’s Personal Series 1.