There are a handful of brands that truly stand for something in the adult industry. It’s a tough thing to accrue, because it takes consistency, quality, and a uniformity of output over a long period of time. As far as flagship brands in the adult industry go, one clearly towers over the rest as a longtime bastion of wholesome erotic pleasure: Adam & Eve. Whether it is sexual aids or films, you can be sure that Adam & Eve is up to snuff. And so it should come as no surprise whatsoever that our latest exclusive from A&E is rock-freaking-solid. Helmed by a director decorated many times over in Will Ryder, MILFs Wear It Well is another fine film perfect for couples trying to experiment with working naughty films into the bedroom and something very easily enjoyed alone.
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A fancy clothing boutique in Los Angeles is owned by Jessica Ryan (who, by the way, is just about the most beautiful and sensual woman on the planet). In an opening narration she owns up to being something of a nymphette who absolutely adores when her dressing rooms are used for sexual escapades. Thinking about it (so I am guessing it was supposed to be some combination of narration and inner monologue) gets her so hot and bothered, that the moment she’s left alone in the store she makes to rub one out. I think everything, from baseball games to funerals, would be made better by opening with Jessica Ryan slowly and erotically masturbating. So when she pulls her luscious breasts out of the top of her dress and pulls aside her panties as she spreads, it is one of the warmest welcomes one could want in an adult movie. As she is winding down, she is interrupted by a customer of hers and we learn of the motif of the film…
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It turns out that there is a dress by a famed designer that is purported to have magical erotic properties. Women who see the dress or, better yet put it on, are overcome by horniness. In voiceover, Jessica reminisces fondly about her own experiences with the dress. The customer requesting it on the phone is played by Katie Monroe, an obscenely wealthy MILF who needs that dress in her size ASAP to kick things up a notch with her husband. Over the phone, she insists that Jessica’s assistant, the hunky Chad White, delivers it. You can see where this is going.
Except that you can’t, exactly. One of the missteps of the film, and it’s a small quibble because we’re not exactly expecting Oscar-caliber screenwriting, is that the story falls apart a bit here. Katie calls to ask for delivery. Then somehow she shows up at the shop a little later to look at the dress in person and request that Chad bring it (even though she’s already at the store, and so is Chad, who never interacts with Katie in that moment). And then we cut to Chad delivering it to her bedroom. So it looks like maybe Ryder and company changed their minds about how the scene should be set up, but that the editor didn’t get the note, and both versions were left in next to each other. Like I said, no biggie.
It certainly doesn’t take away from the sex in the scene. Katie is a MILF with extra everything: big lips, bright-as-the-sun-itself blonde hair, and two massive orbs of titty to drool over. She’s not shy in the least about stripping down to try on the dress in front of Chad (surprise, surprise). And in order to repay his kindness, she insists on a large tip… and trying out the erotic power of the dress itself. It’s a solid scene and Katie’s milky complexion positively glows as she gets plowed by the tan Chad.
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We’re back in the shop with Jessica, who spots a very handsome man dress-shopping alone. She muses that it would be impossible for this dude, played by Brock Cooper, to be single… so she’s content to just look and not touch. But he quickly asks her over for assistance in picking something out, and in the process drops that the dress is actually for an ex… because he is just far too compelled to sleep with beautiful women. He picks out a leopard-print dress, and asks if Jessica wouldn’t mind modeling it for him since she’s about the same size as his ex-girlfriend. Jessica, lucky for us watching the movie, eschews the dressing room in favor of a quick change in front of the guy. She’s not wearing a bra! He can’t help but admire her and the level of service. He then asks her to try on the magical dress, of all things. She complies, and then can’t help but begin to touch herself, and she brings him close for a kiss. The two have a sexy romp right in the middle of the store in the middle of the day. It stands out as the best scene in the movie, as Jessica’s voice warbles and modulates in ecstasy as Brock buries himself into her furry mound. He busts all over her bush, and Jessica rushes over to take a phone call, when a shocked would-be shopper bursts in to see the naked pair!
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It’s a bit unclear who Claudia Valentine is playing in this movie. Is she the horny friend who just got off the phone with Jessica in order to get off? Is she just another random customer who happens to own one of D’Armani’s magical dresses? Maybe don’t concern yourself with details like that… because either way we get a really nice masturbation scene from the MILFy cougar! In a scene set with sumptuous lavender lighting, we watch Claudia unleash her tan-lined globes from the D’Armani. A veteran of the screen, Valentine walks us through all the bed gymnastics necessary to see excellent angles in every position while she goes to town on herself. It’s a really pleasant way to break up the typical feature format!
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For our final scene, Jessica’s younger brother, played by Jay Romero, is hooked up by Chad with the pleasure of delivering a D’Armani dress to a MILF played by Jamie Michelle. Chad explains that Michelle had given him the blowjob of a lifetime and that, with the benefit of the magic dress, Romero was sure to get lucky in ways that would ensure Romero owed him one. Romero has an uncanny ability to play sweet in his scenes, and as he delivers the dress to Jamie (who is already on the bed in a seductive way in lingerie), he asks if she’s sure she really wants to try on the dress given its reputation. As is the will of the porn gods, she does… and just as with the women before, she swaps clothing right in front of her male companion. We are treated to another set of cosmetically enhanced jugs in the process. And she very suddenly makes a beeline to rubbing Jay’s crotch through his jeans. It’s not long before he is plugging away at this delicious MILF.
The scene is a fine closer for the film, save for one (again, small) issue. I’m not a foot guy by any means… but Jay begins to suck and slurp on Jamie’s feet while he’s fucking her from the side. And for some reason the DP (that’s director of photography and not double-penetration, by the way) chose to stick to a medium shot and crop Jay’s head and foot antics out of the frame. So we get all the juicy, sucky sound effects like he’s pigging out at a barbecue restaurant, but with none of the foot fetishist benefits of seeing one of Jamie’s tootsies being pampered with a tongue and saliva. If nothing else, it’s just a curious decision that missed an opportunity for a little extra variety in the scene—one that to non-foot people is innocuous enough to just be all a part of the show.