Scarlet M. Divine: Jeffrassic Porn: A Nerds of Porn Theme Park
Welcome back, my pervy pals! I’m sure you’re all desperate for this week’s Editor’s Pick since we had to skip last week. Boy or boy, are you in for a treat! How could I possibly pass up a movie with a title like Jeffrassic Porn: A Nerds of Porn Theme Park? I couldn’t, is the short answer, and you shouldn’t either! Porn parodies are funny and sexy—the perfect combination—and few do it better than the hilarious guys and gals at Nerds Of Porn. So let’s delve into this jungle themed knee-jerker and see what it’s all about!
First of all, this movie is hilarious. Aphrodite Adams works as an actress and plays the role of Ellie Sattler in an off-off-off-Broadway show. While on break and leaving a voicemail for her missing friend, Aphrodite is shocked by the sudden appearance of Dahlia Von Knight sitting pretty in a little black car. Dahlia says she knows where Aphrodite’s friend is and will take her there. But after a scary car ride, Aphrodite finds herself on the planet of Suckhard—a planet full of orally and erect things ruled with an iron dick by the Cock Master. The Cock Master, played by Adam Christopher, is a funny play on Jeff Goldblum’s character in those other famous dinosaur movies (you might know the ones I’m talking about…). Adam does his very best to exude Goldblum’s… strangeness? Individuality? Whatever you call that unique Goldblum gold that nobody can quite produce—Adam sure does put in the effort! The Cock Master takes Aphrodite through the gates into Jeffrassic Porn, a Goldblum-themed park he’s designed that features mini Goldblums running and flying around in wild abandon! It’s hilarious! The fun continues as Adam shows Aphrodite around the park and introduces her to all the different Goldblum exhibitions he’s created for the park, until finally, he reaches the dinosaur exhibition. He’s created the sexiest dinosaur using Nikki Zee, complete with blue face and an awesome dinosaur tail. The saga continues as Aphrodite finds her missing friend and then meets a nerdy scientist—both characters also played by Adam! Fast forward a bit (don’t you actually FF, watch the movie, it’s great!) and the shit has hit the fan and everyone needs to escape! Aphrodite, her friend Jeff, Dahlia, and the pretty blue dinosaur Nikki, are busting out of the park and running for their lives!
The freaky foursome make it to the car and are instantly transported off the planet of Suckhard, but when they arrive safely back on Earth they find themselves totally naked! Aphrodite and Nikki are both so so happy to be alive they instantly reach out to get a handful of Dahlia’s big tits! There’s no better way to say “thank you” than sucking on somebody’s nipples, right? The threesome waste no time tasting one another and basking in the joy of being alive! Aphrodite’s friend Jeff (don’t forget, this guy is played by Adam, as well!) watches for a few minutes before getting up to join the fun. Tit fucking, blowjobs, pussy eating, and balls-deep dicking abound in this frisky foursome! Aphrodite gets her pretty little ass pounded hard while her cock bounces up and down and the girls suck her nipples. Dahlia’s pussy turns blue when blue-faced Nikki eats her out. And when Adam (Jeff!) finally cums, he shoots a big hot load into Nikki’s mouth and she shares it with the other girls in some very sexy cum kisses. The foursome lay in the grass afterward and try to figure out where the hell they teleported to this time!
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Ed Mann: Big-Tittied Babes Massaged
It is easy to overlook some great content from DDF Productions. Many of their titles like “Big Tittied Babes Massaged” are bland and general, and the covers just a collage of images. But, in this movie the vignette scenes are well produced with top-notch, top-heavy performers worth watching. You may even want to save it to your favorites.
The opening scene is a slow burn with the Sofia Lee giving Chloe Lamour an oily massage for the first ten minutes before Lutro comes up and makes it a threesome. Scene Two features Sofia Lee again, joined by the voluptuous Krystal Swift as the two women rub up against each other’s massive mammaries before inviting the two maintenance guys over for a foursome. Scene Three sees Josephine Jackson get caught flicking the bean poolside by her masseuse who proceeds to give her a full body massage and more. Lastly, Marica Chanel is tending to the intimate needs of Kristof Cale, who decides that his buddies in the hot tub should get to share in her bountiful talents.
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